What's the most valuable lesson you've learned in life, and how has it impacted your journey so far?

Dick! I heard about the lay-off. What's a square-jaw crime fighter doing these days to bring in the bling?

In order to answer this I came up with a little story that goes like this …

After you lather me up with that strawberry hand lotion.

If my boyfriend watches porn, does it mean he doesn’t think I’m good enough? If I am good enough, why does he still watch? Am I not beautiful enough?

Marijuana makes Jesus cry!

“Your boyfriend is a total perv, mommy.”

In 1954 complete bastard and censorship campaigner Fredric Wertham published a book for the stated goal of creating a moral panic around comic book's alleged impact on juvenile delinquency. Much like the House Committee on Un-American Activities' disastrous impact on the film industry, the Comics Code Authority (obey, puny humans) put many hardworking comic book characters out of work all because of one poorly written book called …

Do you usually wear your panties over or under your pantyhose?

Gadzooks! It's Torchy Todd slumming it in Yugoslavian science fiction! The shame!

Every day is a good day to punch a Nazi! I mean MAGA! I mean the Comics Code Authority! (I can never remember who is who)

Ironically, Wertham focused on stories about crime, singling out Batman and Robin for its gay subtext and Dick Tracy for its violence.

What would you do if you found out that someone had broken into your home while you were sleeping?

Make Nazis afraid again!

Sex! Lingerie! Knock knock jokes!

Only zombies dig to rock and roll, daddy-O!

Why do only ugly women like me on Tinder? Is it because I'm an ugly man?

Two letters of transit signed by General De Gaulle … Stimpy, you eediot!

TEXT:

Tess' boyfriend, Ed, now works as a Peter Lorre impersonator.

Humans have evolved and become hairless and odor free. How do other races learn about evolution since evolution does not apply to them?

Times might be tough … But at least there's one thing we all agree on.

I've also been making ends meet ... By appearing in Tijuana splatter comics as Evil Gringo #2.

¡Explotando Dick por todos lados!

Does anyone wear see-through clothes to show off underwear?

Let's do what we always do, lay around half-naked while men make terrible jokes at our expense.

Perhaps now we can explore what being a “gal pal” really means.

Before there was MAGA there was … the Comics Code Authority

What's your review of the movie Poor Things?

Shameless vixen! Trollop!

Just you, me, in a vat of lime jello, pulling hair, calling each other names …

And I ended up moonlighting in Japanese porn, but the less said about that the better.

How do people in your country say "you're welcome" in their native language(s)? Is it a commonly known phrase or do most people just reply with "no problem"?

At least until the peyote kicks in ...

I hear you're a stunt-double now for Fred in Scooby-Doo.

Of all the layoffs, Torchy Todd and her gal pal, Tess Parker, were hit the hardest.

Are there any more 'nun' jokes?

Torchy thinks: Maybe I could play a gangster's moll since apparently smoking is still seen as wholesome and American.

Torchy, we're unemployed … And no one is hiring scantily-clad wastrels these days.

Remember, kids, masturbation will make you see the devil everywhere!

What parts of the Bible, if any, are inappropriate to read to children? Why?

Yes, Tess, crime doesn't pay but apparently Rated-G horror does.

Speaking of which, poor Cleo Coco has ended up appearing in anti-vice pamphlets.

And then working as Betty and Veronica's body doubles ...

So I’m getting piano lessons and my teacher wants me to get an upright piano instead of a keyboard. An upright piano is way above my price range, so what do I do? And what’s the difference between an upright piano and a keyboard?

But Tess! I mean Betty! I mean Veronica! (I can never remember who is who) which ever one you are, I love you!